When your phone buzzes so many times that you think you’re getting a phone call, only to realize it’s a string of text messages from your bestie, you know it’s something serious. Just like how expressing your feelings over text can be difficult, figuring out how to make someone feel better over text can be a challenge. Without the tone and subtle emotional cues that an IRL conversation provides, a lot can get lost in translation over text. While a thumbs down reaction to a sad text message is definitely not enough, a massive chunk of sympathetic jargon might be too much. According to clinical psychologist Caroline Fleck, Ph.D, the key to knowing how to comfort someone over text and being a responsible recipient of textual feels is validation. “With validation, you’re looking to communicate that you’re there for the other person, you get that their emotions are valid or understandable, and you care,” Fleck tells Bustle. “Attending to these elements is what ultimately translates as support.” Even if their situation hasn’t changed, feeling supported can make them feel better. Alternatively, trying to highlight a positive aspect of a situation, rushing to remedy it, or making a comparison to belittle it can be really damaging, clinical therapist Caroline Given, L.C.S.W., tells Bustle. “Any language that is invalidating or isolating is a no go,” Given says, adding that pushing someone to problem-solve before they are ready to, or before they are ready for that kind of support, can actually make the situation worse. Here are some therapist-approved messages that you can model your responses on the next time a friend leans on you for support via text.
1
“You must be feeling (fill in the blank).”
Drive Because/E+/Getty Images Figuring out how to comfort a friend over text is something incredibly personal, as it speaks to your bond. Though it can be scary to guess wrong, Fleck says that attempting to intuit someone’s emotions demonstrates not only that you’re paying attention, but that you deeply want to understand. If you’re totally off-base, that’s OK. “Guessing the wrong emotion provides an opportunity for them to add clarification, which will ultimately further the conversation,” Fleck says.
2
“This must be particularly (difficult/sad) given X.”
Relating the immediate circumstance to a larger picture helps to show the person you’re talking to that you fully get the weight of the situation. “Imagine if someone had to close down their bakery only a year after opening it. Now imagine that same person had cashed out their savings and retirement to launch the bakery, risking it all only to be left with nothing. Referencing this history, or putting their experience within this larger context, shows that you are making connections on their behalf,” Fleck says. “This elevates your text from a perfunctory check-in to a thoughtful exchange.”
3
“Want to talk more about this on the phone?”
“This is an example of what we call in therapy ‘taking action’ — it’s one of the highest forms of validation, as it demonstrates that you’re willing to invest your time or resources in the other person,” Fleck explains. This kind of offer not only lets the person know that you care, but that you’re willing to offer more time and energy into helping out — your concern wasn’t just a passing text.
4
“No pressure to respond, just want you to know I’m thinking about you.”
While checking in with a friend who is going through a hard time might make them feel cared about, it might also make them feel responsible for keeping you updated. Letting them know they don’t need to respond removes that burden. “This clarifies that they can respond if they want,” Fleck says.
5
“I found this article about (x thing you’re going through) and thought it might be helpful.”
The goal should be to share something that helps to validate what they’re already feeling and make them feel less alone. “Putting in extra time and resources is an investment. As such, you are quite literally being more supportive,” Fleck says. Just make sure that you read the whole article, to be sure there isn’t a detail or conclusion that could belittle your friend’s feelings.
6
“Here’s something to make you smile.”
If you’re confident that you’ve stumbled across something that will, in fact, make this person smile, don’t miss out on an opportunity to give them a break from feeling low. “Irreverence is safe so long as it isn’t tone deaf — if it falls in the ‘too soon?’ category, it probably is,” Fleck tells Bustle. A cute baby or puppy GIF, or a meme or TikTok that aligns with your friend’s sense of humor, can help take their mind off of their big issue.
7
“What’s going through your mind right now?”
“Ask non-judgmental questions about how the person feels and what is going through their mind because it gives that person an opportunity to vent [or] process, but also gives you insight into how they might need support,” Given tells Bustle. “I think it’s always good to try to gather some info because the way we experience hardship and the way we like to receive support can be so individualized,” she adds.
8
“How can I best support you?”
The best way to support someone isn’t always obvious. Asking them how they’d like to be supported gives them an opportunity to suggest something effective. If they don’t know what kind of support they need, Given suggests offering an idea and asking them if that would work for them. Try something like: “If I were in your shoes, I’d really want someone to just get coffee with me and talk. Would that be helpful right now?”
9
“If I were you and had experienced that, I’d be feeling exactly the same way.”
Helping someone feel like their reaction to a situation is justified is a powerful way to connect with them. “You might not be able to actually ‘do’ anything to help a friend,” Given tells Bustle, “but helping them feel like they’re not defective for how they are handling hardship can go a long way in helping someone feel supported and bolstering their confidence.”
10
“You can share as much or as little as you want.”
Some people might feel overwhelmed and incapable of sharing too many details. Alternatively, some people might be worried about over-sharing or burdening someone with their feelings. “Giving someone permission to decide what they share is a way of demonstrating open-heartedness to them while also empowering them … which can be very healing, especially if what they’re going through makes them feel powerless or out of control,” Given tells Bustle.
11
“I’m here and I’m listening. I don’t want you to be alone with how you’re feeling.”
Feeling isolated can be a really scary experience, and getting down on the ground with someone without trying to pick them back up can be hugely impactful. “Just reminding them that you’re present with them and that you’re available to listen to them without judgement is so simple but so effective,” Given says.
12
“Just checking in :)”
VioletaStoimenova/E+/Getty Images The thing with true friendship is that you probably already know what your bestie will respond to positively. Given that you likely talk to them all the time, you basically already speak each other’s emotional languages without even knowing it — it just comes naturally. That being said, if you know your bestie is someone who will appreciate a short, concise, not super feely text, then send away. If that’s the case for them, “it can be helpful to not ask a direct question, and instead just let them know that you are thinking about them and hoping they are OK,” therapist Carrie Potter, LMHCA, tells Bustle.
13
“Want to come over and rewatch X for the hundredth time? No pressure of course.”
Sometimes, though not always, all a friend needs is something to help take their mind off of things. If you can be that escape for them, offer it. «Just being there, without expectation or distraction, means a lot,» Rev. Connie L. Habash, MA, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, previously told Bustle. «Many people don’t take the time to simply be present with each other, even if it’s just washing dishes together, taking a walk, or hanging out on the couch.»
14
“I know today was tough. Maybe the homemade cookies outside your door will help a tiny bit .”
Something like this can bring a brief amount of comfort and remind your friend that you are there if they need you, without putting them on the spot with face-to-face interaction. Especially if you know your friend is someone who needs to be alone to process their feelings at first, giving them space and something physical at the same time can be very heartfelt and thoughtful. “Some people are external processors and like to talk out how they are feeling with others,” Heidi McBain, LMFT, previously told Bustle. “Other people are internal processors and need time to first process alone, maybe through journaling or going for a long walk solo, before being ready to share their feelings.”
15
“You’re right, that totally sucks. If you need to vent, I’m here, no questions asked.”
“This is an example of empowering with empathy,” Potter says. Toxic positivity is definitely a real thing. Offering too much positivity in opposition to someone’s upset feelings in the moment can feel incredibly invalidating. Sometimes all someone needs is a place to let their frustrations out uninterrupted. Having your friend’s back while they feel their feelings can often be better than immediately trying to help them move back to happiness.
16
“Incoming Harry Styles photos.”
As friendship expert and psychologist Dr. Marisa Franco, Ph.D., previously explained to Bustle, sending your friend pictures or videos of something you know they like will help cheer them up, especially if it’s something you have a shared feeling toward, such as a meme, cat TikToks, or a favorite celebrity. “I think all of that can be really thoughtful because it’s specific to what their likes and their needs and their interests are,” Franco said. Making a friend feel better over text is no easy task. But truth be told, you likely know what your friend needs best, even if it takes a little bit of thinking. What matters most is that you are there for them and being thoughtful in their times of need or when they are feeling low. Experts: Caroline Fleck, Ph.D, clinical psychologist Caroline Given, LCSW., clinical therapist Carrie Potter, LMHCA, therapist with a focus on anxiety Rev. Connie L. Habash, MA, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist Heidi McBain, LMFT, licensed therapist Dr. Marisa Franco, Ph.D., friendship expert and psychologist This article was originally published on We all go through difficult moments in life. Our friends, family members, and acquaintances often comfort us during such times. Without external emotional support, it is hard to conquer adversities. We have all experienced hardships in life and compassion from people. We have also seen our loved ones get upset. It is crucial to comfort people when they need it. The best way to make people happy is by visiting them. However, many people live separated by long distances. Here’s how to cheer someone up over text with 16 sweet messages. These messages have the perfect words that convey feelings of compassion and acknowledgment.
- You have always supported me through difficult times. I will never forget the time you offered to help me finish my stressful project. I want to help you too. Please let me know how I can help you feel good again. Lots of love!
- I can understand the feeling of hardship taking over you during this time. I am here to listen, support, and help you in any way possible. We all go through such events, but some social support can help. Let me know how I can support you.
- I am so sorry for your situation. Please let me know if you want me to come over and make you a good snack or talk a little. If not, I can understand. We all need space from time to time. You can call me anytime, and I will be there for you. Take care!
- Work got to me, and I felt low last week. Music helped me feel better during that time. I hope you find happiness soon. Take some time off, and work on your hobbies. Reconnect with your inner child to feel better. It helped me; it might help you too!
- I know that you have a lot going through your mind right now. I would feel grateful to help you, but I understand if you need space. Let me know if you want to talk.
- You may have forgotten, but you helped me overcome an adverse incident a few years ago. I want to return the favor, so please accept my support.
- I have always admired you for your ability to uplift people during difficult times. Now, it is our turn to help you. We hope we can help you the same way you helped us!
- Remember the time we almost got caught sneaking snacks in the classroom? I am grinning thinking about it. I will always be grateful for all the memories we created together.
- Here is a reminder that you are a beautiful, talented, and worthy person regardless of the adversities in your life. You will get through this time, and I will help you with it. Please let me know how I can help.
- I know your mind is grappling with the intensity of the recent incident. Maybe a casual chat would help take your mind off it for some time. However, I respect your wish if you need space. I am just hoping for your well-being.
- Hey, I know you love dogs. Maybe some pictures of my pet pooch can cheer you up. Here they come! I wish I could come over to offer support, but the distance is too much. I am not sure how to cheer someone up over text, but I will try my best.
- I will keep you in my prayers during this time. It is hard to go through this situation, and I understand if you want to be left alone. You can call me anytime for help and support. That is what friends do!
- I will always support you through everything. I can’t begin to imagine your sorrow after the recent incident, but I want you to know that I have your back. I will try to offer you both – solutions and a shoulder for support.
- Bad days at work weigh in on people. So I can understand your pain after a hard day at the office. I wish I could do something to help you. Is it okay if I call you so we can talk about it? Maybe letting it all out could help you feel better.
- I want you to know that I am thinking of you during this time. Your feelings are valid, and I will always stay by your side, supporting you through it all. Do not worry, because you will always have a companion.
- You and I have been through several adversities together. We have always had each other’s back, and it is the best part of our friendship. I will support you through this adverse time. I promise we’ll get through it, just like every other incident.
We have seen our loved ones suffer through hard times. Adversities are crucial parts of our lives. They teach us the necessary lessons about hard work and patience. However, social support helps us overcome these adverse times. Having some emotional support from our loved ones lessens the pain and helps us find solutions. So next time you see a sad loved one in another country, do not wonder how to cheer someone up over text. Send one of these messages, and they might feel better.
1. Try to Guess Their Emotions
People like being heard. So when you try guessing how your loved one feels, they feel greatly consoled even when you guess wrong. It can also lead them to clarify what they feel which furthers the conversation. It can be something like, “You must be feeling (fill in the emotion) given (the situation)” or text “That sounds awful” while your friend tells their experience.
2. Allow Them to Vent Their Problem
Especially early in the struggle, most people just want a listening ear – no advice, no opinion. 
- “Do you want to talk about it? I’m here to listen”
3. Relate Their Worries With Their Background
When you relate your loved one’s plight with their background, it shows you understand the weight of the situation which relieves them of some burden. Look at these two statements:
- “I know you’ve lost your girlfriend so you must be feeling awful.”
- “I understand you’ve invested so much in this relationship from moving to a new town to even introducing her to your family and now it’s like a big part of your life is gone. You must be feeling awful.”
The first statement doesn’t show the recipient you understand their plight much but the second shows you’ve been paying attention and are up close with their feelings which is deeply consoling.
4. Validate Their Struggles
When you validate your loved one’s struggles, it makes them feel better since they feel you accept them for who they are. And that it’s okay to feel the way they’re feeling. Texting them something like:
- “It’s okay to feel how you feel, if I was in your situation, I’d feel the same way.”
5. Remind Them of How Amazing They Are
When struggling, most people tend to look at their failures more which makes them feel worse. But if someone shows them how awesome they are, it makes them feel better. You can make someone feel better by texting;
- “I know you’re going through a rough time right now but I want to remind you of how amazing you are – (list their good qualities)”
- “These problems don’t define you, I know you – (remind them when they overcame.)”
6. Send Some Uplifting Quotes
After some time listening to someone’s problems and validating their struggles, you can use powerful quotes to make a person smile. Here are some inspirational quotes to help make someone feel better over text:
- “Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.” – Oprah Winfrey
- “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou
- “It is never to late to be what you might have been.” – George Elliot
- “A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” – Christopher Reeve
- “Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” – Hellen Keller
While checking in on a friend reveals your care for them, they might feel pressured to update you in the midst of their crisis. However, you can relieve them of this pressure by telling them:
- “I felt I should check on you. But take your time to respond, no pressure.”
8. Send Them Stories They Could Relate To
It’s really consoling to know someone can go an extra mile for you in this way. Here’s how you can frame your text:
- “I found a story similar to yours and thought it might help you know you’re not alone in this. And that you can overcome. With love( or use a more creative sign off)”
- “I discovered a community of people going through similar circumstances and thought you might find it helpful.”
- “I discovered this piece about (the situation they’re going through) and thought it might be helpful.”
9. Ask What’s on Their Mind
“What’s on your mind right now?” A text as simple as that can help someone relieve their brain of the thought overload they’ve had in their crisis.
10. Ask Them How They’re Feeling
“How are you feeling right now?” Just like asking what they’re thinking about, inquiring over their feelings lets them know that you care and gives you space to console them. Related: Ways Out Of ‘I Don’t Know How I Feel’
11. Ask Them How You Can Help
They’ve shared their problems, they’ve told you their opinion over their plight, and how they’ve been feeling. Now what? Offer your help. Too much talk without action helps no one feel better, at least not in the long term. So let them know they can be free to ask for help from you. You can use text messages such as:
- “I know you’re going through a hard time right now, is there anything I could do to help?”
- “How can I best support you in these tough times?”
- “I can offer any of this assistance in this tough time- (babysit your kids or drop them off at school in the morning/ I can pay for the hospital bills or whatever you can do). Which one can I help you with?”
This last one is an option to put out all you can do for that person so you can avoid demands you have to say no to in case you can’t make it.
12. Put Down Lyrics of Uplifting Music They Like
Some people’s moods can be easily remedied by music. If that’s the case for the person you want to feel better, this is one of the best options for you. For instance, here are some uplifting lyrics of Hall of Fame: You can throw your hands up, you can beat the clock (Yeah) You can move a mountain, you can break rocks Some will call it practice, some will call it luck But either way you’re going to the history book Standin’ in the Hall of Fame (Yeah) And the world’s gonna know your name (Yeah) ‘Cause you burn with the brightest flame (Yeah) And the world’s gonna know your name (Yeah)…
13. Write Up Some Poetry
Do poems make them tick? If your friend loves poetry, it’s time to make artistic moves. You can create a poem of your own about them or check uplifting poems online. It could be about how amazing they are or an encouragement that they can overcome or any other uplifting direction seeming fit for you.
14. Send Them Some Jokes
A laugh could surely make someone feel better. You need to ask for permission though so you’re not met with cold resentment. A text message like, “Hey I know you’re going through tough times, so I want to try making you smile with some silly jokes, would you let me?” Send funny jokes that align with you’re friend’s sense of humor. Related: How To Be Enough For Someone: 17 Effective Tips
15. Relate Them With Their Favorite Character
If you know the person quite well, you probably know their favorite character in movies, books, or whatever piece of art they enjoy. This is a great chance to make them feel better. Get to know their favorite character deeply so you can give them an analogy of their plight in relation to their favorite character. You see how they do it in movies (someone getting perspective over something because they’re advised based on someone they like in a movie, Bible, or any other piece of art) – it does work in real life as well. You can start with, “Do you want to imagine how (insert their favorite character) will look at this?”
16. Send Them Memes They Like
The language someone uses to console you is likely the language they can respond well to when it’s used on them. Therefore, if your friend loves sending you memes even when you’re in distress, do the same for them. 
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17. Text Them With Gifs
When texting, GIFs bring the word to life by making it possible to express yourself in the body language you’d use during in person conversations. Consoling words like “I love you,” “I’m here for you,” “You’re not alone,” can be expressed in a better way with the best funny GIFs.
18. Convince Them to Chat With Emojis
Visuals can lighten moods by a great deal. Moreover, they can distract someone quickly enough to make them feel better.
- “I was thinking we’d have an awesome afternoon, grabbing some pizza and shooting aliens while talking out this issue, would you like that?”
- “I was planning a retreat at X place so we can get your mind off things and recharge, what do you think?”
Whether big or small, plans you may have to help your friend feel better since they can look forward to the activity instead of dwelling on the problems they have.
When you’ve listened to the plight of your friend, it’s time to ask questions as if you’re also in trouble. You can ask them:
- “So what are we going to do?”
- “So how are we going to solve this?”
- “How do we make sense of this?”
This helps them feel better and even get the strength to stand just because someone else is ready to stand with them.
21. Ask Them to Do Silly Stuff With You
According to Psychology Today silly stuff can be extremely healthy for the brain. Especially if they’re ruminating on the problem without progress, some silly activities would help them learn to stop taking themselves too seriously and instead take some steps forward for the sake of progress.
- “Ready to do silly stuff to get your mind off things?”
- “Come on, join me in some silly activities. It’ll help you take a breath and think things through. What do you say?”
22. Give Them Options to Choose From
- “What do you want to do, an evening out someplace nice or takeout and movies?
- “What might make you feel better, staycation over the weekend at Leserene or camping in the countryside?”
Using this text shows you understand that people cope with stress diffferently and are willing to go an extra mile to do what lightens up their moods. But in case they say no, there’s another way.
23. Apply Their Consoling Tactic
The way someone consoles others is likely the way they feel better when consoled. Therefore, find out what makes them tick with a text message like:
- “If I were in your situation, I’d love it when someone does X(how you like being consoled). Would that help you feel better?”
- “What would you do for me to feel better if I were in your situation?”
24. Get Them to Talk in Another Way
- “Do you want to talk about this with a phone call?”
- “Is it better to talk about this face to face on a video call?”
- “Do you want to talk more about this over dinner?”
- “Do you prefer we video chat about this while listening to music like old times”
Perhaps they’re not a texting kind of person. Or maybe you’re not. Maybe the situation needs more one-on-one communication. Related: Best Ways To Comfort Someone – Psychology Backed
25. Recommend They Talk to a Counselor
- “Would you consider talking to a professional about this?”
- “I think we’ve tried working out this issue for quite a while but it seems deeper than we can handle alone. Would you be okay with involving a coach/counselor?
Showing this level of care about his or her feelings helps them feel much more cared for, especially if they’ve been stuck for a while.
26. Get Them Into Action Using Questions
While they may not feel better for the moment since getting out of their comfort zone is hard, you’re loved one would feel better when they get out of the stuck state, and thank you for saving their life. Here are text messages you can use:
- “What are you thinking of doing now?”
- “Have you thought about (fill in the action)?
27. Validate and Make Indirect Suggestions
Proposing a solution after you’ve validated one’s qualities and efforts makes them momentarily feel better and improves their wellbeing in the long run as well.
- “You’ve really handled this situation well, it’ll be even better if you do X for (insert how it’ll help them)
28. Tell Them to Explain Some Previous Point
When you ask for clarification where things don’t make sense to you, it makes your loved one (whether a family member, best friend, colleague, acquitance, or even stranger) feel better since their story is important to you. You can text:
- “Did you mean (say what you thought they meant) when you said (what they said) earlier? Help me understand”
29. Help Them See the Big Picture
Even when in trouble, if someone could focus on the big picture, they’d realize things would be much brighter and will therefore lighten up.
- “I know you’re going through a rough patch right now but think of your big picture. (Paint their big picture) This is just a challenge along the way – your vision is bigger than this.”
- “I know it’s tough to see the bright side of this situation but tell me about your vision/dream. Let’s visualize it together.”
30. Compliment How They’re Handling the Stress
Telling your loved one they’re doing great despite what they’re experiencing can help them feel a ton better and even strengthen them further to overcome.
- “For someone experiencing X situation, you’re really handling this well.”
Related: Feeling Lost: 20 Insights And How To Find Meaning Again
31. Analyse the Grim Together
Many people wish someone could get a glimpse of their dark story and analyse the mistakes, consequences, and all manner of dark thoughts without judgement. You can offer this chance by texting them:
- “Tell me your darkest thoughts and feelings about this issue – no filters. I want to understand what you feel.”
32. Ask Them About Their Progress
Checking in on someone’s progress since you talked can help them focus on the changes that have happened and feel better because of their progress.
- “How have you been since we last talked? Let’s talk about physical changes first.”
33. Reassure Them That You’ll Walk With Them
- “I’m not going anywhere, we’ll walk this through together.”
- “I’ll never let you walk alone. We’re in this together.”
Nothing sounds better than someone finding space in their timeline to not only listen to uour troubles but also walk with you in them.
Questions on Making Someone Feel Better Over Text
How do you comfort a friend over text? How to comfort someone over text when they feel lonely
- Try to Guess Their Emotions
- Allow Them to Vent Their Problem
- Relate Their Worries With Their Background
- Validate Their Struggles
- Remind Them of How Amazing They Are
- Send Some Uplifting Quotes
- Tell Them to Share as Much as They Want
- Send Them Stories They Could Relate To
- Ask What’s on Their Mind
- Ask Them How They’re Feeling
- Ask Them How You Can Help
- Put Down Lyrics of Uplifting Music They Like
- Write Up Some Poetry
- Send Them Some Funny Joke
- Relate Them With Their Favorite Character
Related: Levels Of Listening – Complete Guide
How do you make someone not sad over text? How to cheer someone up with words
- “Do you want to talk about it? I’m here to listen”
- “I know you’ve lost your girlfriend so you must be feeling awful.”
- “How can I best support you in these tough times?”
- “These problems don’t define you my friend.”
- “How are you feeling right now?”
- “So what are we going to do?”
- “Ready to do silly stuff to get your mind off things?”
- “I’m not going anywhere, we’ll walk this through together.”
- “Do you want to talk about this on phone?”
- “What are you thinking of doing now?”
- “I’ll never let you walk alone. We’re in this together.”
How to comfort someone over text when they are suicidal
- “Hey, I love you.”
- “You know I’ll always be here for you.”
- “You’ve been on my mind since morning.”
- “I know you’re going through a lot and it’s overwhelming. But remember, I’m here for you.”
- “You came to this world for a reason. Hold on till the bad day is over and you’ll be thankful you made it.”
- “I believe in you.”
Wrapping Up
Making someone feel better over text gets easier with practice. Remember to focus on validating instead of advising and lead your loved one into a better mood using the above texts. Which tactics do you think would be best for your loved one? Let us know in the comments!
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