6 Ways to Stop Being Selfish

How To Stop Being Selfish: Our society always encourages us to be at the top. Hence we become competitive and unfortunately because of this competitive mentality we tend to become selfish, we always want our selves to be at the top and want ourselves to be the center of attraction, You must have heard that You always become friends with people who have same mentality like you or can say who is somewhat similar to you. And when we meet and get same personality friends at that moment we feel bad, we realize that how bad being selfish is, how selfish nature is good for short term but it will not last for long, being selfish gives you short term benefits but for long terms and for long survival we always need to be selfless and kind hearted. It is the selfless nature which helps us in our success, survival and for long term benefits.

How to Stop Being Selfish

Here I am not saying that thinking about yourself is bad or thinking about our own survival and success is a crime, no not at all, But ONLY thinking about yourself and taking others for granted is not right, just for your benefit ignoring someone else’s loss is not right. Listen Free Audiobook: How to Stop Being Selfish from Audible Selfishness is not only bad for survival and success but is also plays a major role in Destroying relationships, Many Relationships Suffers because of selfish act of a person, When we come into a relationship, we made up our minds that now We are together and we are into relationship, hence you can’t think as an individual but as a team as a group. In relationships Couples must Not think as “I” but As “WE”, In a relationship everything becomes we, hence It is said that being in a relationship or getting married is the life’s biggest decision and you must made up your mind before getting into it. And you must take a wise decision. Because After getting into A Relationship it’s all about we, and selfish person fails to understand it, hence this selfish nature and lack of understanding become the biggest reason for relationship failure. Today I will share Selfish acts which destroy the relationship and also share how you can overcome that selfish nature and how you can stop being selfish.

1. Always Your decision/Never listens

Selfish people never understands that in a relationship It’s all about we, suppose you and your partner is into any kind of discussion and every time that discussion ends up doing whatever you want to do or every time your partner let go his/her happiness just because of you, then this kind of behavior is never healthy, however for short term this selfish act can be beneficial will give happiness or satisfaction or proud kind of feeling but for long term it will for sure not be beneficial and relationship can become sour. Romantic relationship or can say every relationship must have communication and communication gap can become the biggest problem, suppose you and your partner is talking and only you are talking about your thoughts likes, dislikes, about your opinions and when your partner wants to talk or wants to share something you ignore it or find it not so useful and interrupt him/her in between, this act can be very selfish, sometimes you must listen as well, Be a good listener, and listen attentively and happily. Hence to overcome it: Always discuss and come to common ground, means have a discussion with your partner and together come to one decision so that other partner feels that he/she is valued and he/she has importance. Always listen to your partner, about their day, about their bad mood good mood, always notice your partner small things and do ask them about it, try to avoid always talking about yourself. Here I am not saying you should always listen and should avoid talking, as it says there’s always a middle way, means you must know how to handle both the things, depends on the situation you need to understand whether you must talk or listen. Read More: Why Helping Others Can Also Help You

2. Never wrong

Even if you make a mistake, you never want to apologize you feel that you can never be wrong, you are always right. Suppose, Your partner makes a mistake for that mistake you fight or argue with your partner, but when the same mistake was done by you, you easily ignores it and believes that it wasn’t a big thing, This partial act or selfish act can become the huge issue in your relationship. Hence To overcome it: Accept your fault, never be partial, Make same rules for both, Don’t make rules for one person, rules must be same for both hence always try to come to one common ground and this thing can help to stay happy and also helps to form a long lasting relationship. Read From: The Importance of Small Moments

3. Always want a partner to change

Here you always want your partner to change their personality and habits so that they can match up your needs and wants. I am not saying changing someone for good is bad, but changing someone so that they can match up your needs and wants is wrong. If your partner asks you to quit smoking, this change is not wrong, because this will be beneficial for your health. Here change means ethical and unethical, and you must understand the difference between ethical behavior and unethical behavior. If you want to change your partner unethical behavior then that’s good, because it will make your partner life happy and peaceful, but if you want to change your partner ethical behavior then that’s not right. Suppose, If your partner is not comfortable wearing certain kind of dress still forcing him/her to wear it just because you want them to match up your needs and wants then that change is unethical. Hence to overcome it: Here you should understand your fault and flaws and needs to change your wrong beliefs, always think from both the side. Read More: Wherever You Go, There You Are Summary By Jon Kabat-Zinn

4. Always want other to compromise

One of the most common traits of selfish person is they never want to compromise for anything and this trait of selfish person becomes the biggest reason for relationship failure, How to overcome it: Suppose if you always ask your partner to compromise for every small thing, then this can make your relationship very weak. For example, suppose you and your wife is planning to go out for a movie and dinner, you choose movie your wife compromise for it but again you decide dinner place or dinner menu then this can be too selfish, hence here you both can come to common grounds like if you select movie, dinner menu and place will be selected by your partner. This can make relationship healthy and happy. A compromise must be done from both the sides when both compromise for each other this behavior makes a relationship strong. Read More: What is the Importance of Goals | Goal Setting

5. Always want control

Here you always feel that you are control of your life as well as of your partner, you always want your partner to be in your control, you want your partner to always listen to you, You never trust your partners decision, you believe that whatever you say is right and good for both of you’ll, You always think about your dreams and goals and always take your partner dreams and goals for granted. How to overcome it: sometimes try to put yourself in to your partner shoes, means sometimes think like your partner, how you would have felt if they had never supported you, if they had never believed your dreams and goals , how you would have felt if you have to take permission for everything even for small things, sometimes you just need to trust and believe that yes they can be a good decision maker and in relationship, you must be like a friends not like a boss and employee. Both are equal. Read More: 5 Difference between Wise And Foolish People

6. Never put efforts

Relationship never works only by one person efforts, both need to put efforts in order to make relationship healthy and successful, selfish partner never put efforts in a relationship, he/she always take their partner for granted, they always want their partner to do things for them but they never put an efforts to do something special for them. How to overcome: I am not saying that big gifts are required to make your partner feel special, but small things can make them feel good such as going for movies, giving chocolates Cadbury’s as a gift, small things small efforts can give a lot of happiness. And if you want your relationship to be successful always think as a team, as a group, as best friends and always think about each other, instead of thinking about yourself. In a relationship ‘I’ comes second and “we” comes first, you need to put your needs last and your partner needs first. These are the 6 way on “How to Stop Being Selfish”. Incoming search terms: how to stop being selfish, how to be less selfish, why am i so selfish, how to not be selfish, am i selfish, i feel selfish, stop being selfish, how not to be selfish, i am selfish, why am i selfish, how to become less selfish, being selfish

Being selfish is neither attractive nor admirable. Learn how to stop being selfish and start being a little more selfless with these lessons.

how to stop being selfish Being selfish is a confusing thing. Everyone talks about self-care and putting yourself first, but how do you do that without becoming selfish? Is it possible to learn how to stop being selfish? Oftentimes, you don’t even know when you’re selfish until someone tells you. And then you might get defensive about it. No one wants to be accused of being selfish. Being selfish can sometimes feel like human nature. Your first thoughts are about you and what you want. How do you begin to change that? [Read: 12 signs you’re being selfish]

Why you should stop being selfish

Some people may think being selfish is good. And in some ways, it can be. For instance, when you are focusing on success or not settling in romance. Putting yourself first in some cases is beneficial to those around you. If you don’t care for yourself, how are you supposed to care for others? You have to fill your own glass before being able to pour anything into others’. As true as this is, if someone is telling you that you’re selfish, you have a lot to think about and reflect on. If someone is telling you that you should stop being selfish, why is that? Are you selfish when it is necessary? Or are you putting your interests before the needs of the most important people in your life? If your selfishness is getting in the way of your relationships, you have some changing to do. [Read: How to spot selfish people before they can hurt you]

How to stop being selfish

If you are a selfish person, it can be hard to break that pattern, at least at first. But, you can learn how to stop being selfish. You are used to putting yourself first. But once you start being a little more selfless, not only will you feel better, but your relationships will prosper as well. Everything from a small act of kindness to a grand gesture can set you up to stop being selfish.

1. Ask for help

If you don’t know where to begin on your journey to learn how to stop being selfish, ask for some advice from a friend. The people that know you the best will be able to tell you where to begin. A true friend will also tell you exactly when you are being selfish and how to be aware of those moments. Also, ask them why they are still friends with you even though you are often selfish. This will let you know your best qualities and how you can put a focus on them. [Read: 13 ways to grow into a kinder and better human being]

2. Do not buy people

A lot of selfish people think they are kind or selfless because they do something nice. But if that nice thing is buying an expensive gift, was it really for them? Was this something they wanted or something you wanted the credit for buying? Did you want to give them the best gift or really show them you care? Buying gifts is all fine and good, but if that is how you show you care rather than being considerate, listening, and being there, you may have some self-reflection to do. Learning how to stop being selfish isn’t just about your actions but your thoughts as well. [Read: 11 behaviors that show you manipulate people]

3. Pay attention

Some selfish people are in their own world and don’t consider others. And although it may not be out of cruelty but ignorance, it is still selfish. So next time you are at work, with family, or on public transportation, look around. Should you stand up so an elderly person can sit? Should you hold the door for someone behind you? Just glancing up from your phone and getting out of your own head can open your eyes to the opportunities for selfless behavior you never even thought about. Learning how to stop being selfish isn’t about ignoring yourself but paying attention to others.

4. Care

This seems obvious, right? But how do you start caring? Well, looking up this article on how to stop being selfish is a start. You may care deeply for the people in your life but haven’t been too great at showing that. To do so, spend some time thinking about them when they aren’t around. What are all the things your closest friends and family have done for you? How can you show them you care that much too? [Read: 15 effortless ways to be nice and loved by all instantly]

5. Think about the impact of your actions

When you are being selfish, you tend to think about yourself the majority of the time. How will your actions affect you? Will you get a promotion? Do you get something out of it? Instead, think about how what you do will impact others. Will tattling on a coworker’s mistake get you a promotion? Or will it get them fired? Will missing your niece’s school play give you time to go to a concert? Or will it disappoint her? Sure, getting a vaccine might give you a couple of days of weakness, but will it do a lot to slow the spread of a deadly virus? You could protect others with your actions, even if you don’t want to care about yourself. Learning how to stop being selfish means considering how you impact other people.

6. Take a step back

To learn how to stop being selfish, it is helpful to look at your life from someone else’s perspective. From your own, it probably looks great. You are happy. You do what you want when you want and answer to no one. But are you really happy? Or are you blissfully unaware of how lonely you are? Are you fulfilled? Do you have people who would do anything for you and that you would do anything for? [Read: Am I a narcissist? 10 questions that will reveal the answer to you]

7. Volunteer

Sometimes, being aware of others is not easy. You follow your normal routine and live your life. But to really see how much you can give, you need to see what other people need. Being selfish is about your needs. Learning how to stop being selfish is about the needs of others. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, at a homeless shelter, make some meals, and give them out to people on the street. Truly seeing those in need may open your eyes to what you can offer to others.

8. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes

Whether it be your assistant, your sister, or the guy you see at the convenience store begging for change, put yourself in their position. Knowing how to stop being selfish means you need to understand the people in your life. If you were being treated horribly by your boss but working your ass off, wouldn’t you deserve some reassurance or at least respect? Have a sister who never asked for anything from you except some time to spend together? Wouldn’t that seem reasonable? If you were begging for spare change, wouldn’t you appreciate the smallest gesture? [Read: 12 clear signs you’re the selfish one in the relationship]

9. Who do you know that is selfish?

Look at your life. There must be someone that you think is selfish and never cares about you. Well, think about that. Is that how you want to be seen by the people in your life? When you think about that person and how you would prefer them to behave, focus those changes on yourself. It is hard to see your worst qualities, but you can pinpoint them immediately when looking at someone else. You just have to see the similarities so you can make a change. Sometimes this learning how to stop being selfish requires a taste of your own medicine.

10. Think ahead

Think about the future, and not just yours. It is easy to think about how you want your life to turn out. But considering others in the decisions that lead you there is so important. Maybe you want to be making six figures in the next five years, but does that mean you would be willing to put your job in front of your relationship? Maybe you want to travel the world, but will you be home to spend the holidays with your family? Perhaps you love the convenience of your life, but would taking time to waste less help the environment for everyone in the future? [Read: 11 sweet ways to show how much you care]

11. Be observant

When you are only paying attention to your own life, it is easy to overlook others. But who would watch a TV show and only pay attention to one character? Others around you make your life what it is. Everyone from your mother to your best friend to your mailman. So look around and appreciate those people. You might even learn something about them.

12. It is your life, not your world

Yes, you are the star. It is your life. But no one wants to watch a movie starring one person. The supporting characters are just as important. They are what give a movie meaning and depth. So stop talking about yourself. When you are with others, listen. Actually, absorb what people say to you and take an interest in it. They have lives too, and it is not all about you. [Read: How to grow into a kinder human and a better person]

13. Compromise

Learn how to compromise if you want to understand how to stop being selfish. When someone is selfish, they want to have control and to have things their way. In the same way, something is so important to you that might be equally as important to someone else, so meet halfway. Being willing and open to taking others’ perspectives and options into account is a wonderful trait. And who knows, listening to others and trying things their way may open you up to more opportunities than you realized.

14. Consider the benefits of selflessness

Yes, selfless acts should be selfless. But there is selfishness in being kind to others. Consider that. As a selfish person doing a selfless act can be difficult, so don’t think of it like that. When you go out of your way to put someone else first, it gives you a rush. It makes you happy. Volunteering your time and effort for someone else while getting nothing in return has value. It impacts your soul. Seeing someone else happy due to something you did has a priceless impact on the person you are. Not to mention the kinder you are to others, the kinder they will be back to you. Sometimes learning how to stop being selfish can actually have benefits for you too. If you feel people are out to get you, that may be because they don’t trust you or think you aren’t a very nice person. But when you show kindness to others, they show it back. [Read: Selfish love versus selfless love]

15. Life is not a competition

You do not need to try to beat everyone all the time. You do not always have to come out first, and you do not have to be the best at everything. And the sooner you learn that, the better. Those who are selfish have a hard time admitting defeat. But losing is a necessary part of life. You cannot always come in the first place. There is a humbling feeling to letting others take the lead.

16. Watch A Christmas Carol

This may seem cheesy, but for real. If you can’t see how your selfishness changes others’ lives, you need to watch A Christmas Carol or one of the many versions of it. Seeing someone so cruel and spiteful can help you to learn from their mistakes. It may be exactly what you need to shake things up in your life. Yes, Scrooge may be a bit intense compared to you, but it is hard for selfish people to admit that their bad behavior impacts others. Seeing someone *even a fictional someone* realize that, take responsibility for it, and work on fixing it is an ideal example for you to learn how to stop being selfish. [Read: 20 most inspirational movies to watch]

17. Enjoy making others happy

You will start to feel pride and joy when you see how your actions can positively affect other people. When you see how happy your nephew is that you came to his soccer game or how grateful your assistant is that you got her coffee for once, it changes something inside you. Even the smallest act of picking up your partner’s favorite snack on your way home for no reason, even though you had to go out of your way to do so, can make you happy. [Read: 18 ways to cheer someone up and help them enjoy life]

18. Be thankful

Being actively grateful for all the good you have in your life makes you want to earn it that much more. Take some time when you wake up or before you go to bed to share your gratitude. That doesn’t mean you have to text everyone you’re thankful for, and you can just actively think about them. Take a few minutes to think about how much love you have for your friends or how happy you are to have a pet, or that your mom still checks in every week to make sure you’re eating right.

19. Be there when it isn’t convenient

This can be hard for non-selfish people, so if you can do this, congratulations to you for working so hard on learning how to stop being selfish. It is one thing to do something for someone else when it is easy, but what really counts is when it is inconvenient for you. If your friend needs a shoulder to cry on, or someone needs a ride home, or they need you to babysit last minute when you had plans, these are the things that mean the most. Putting someones else’s needs above your own shows how much you care. [Read: Unlock the truths of true happiness]

20. Reach out

Reach out without reason. We all call our moms when we need to know how to make a recipe or remove a stain. We call our friends when we want to make plans. But reaching out for no other reason than the fact that you were thinking about them is pure selflessness. Yes, it might put your mind at ease to know they’re okay. But calling someone just to talk is something someone selfish wouldn’t do. [Read: Why don’t people like you? The 20 most commonly overlooked reasons] If you are wondering how to stop being selfish, you are one step closer to doing it. Admitting you are selfish is the first step, and these were the next 20. Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life. am i selfish

“Almost every sinful action ever committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves. ” – Stephen Kendrick

Our idea of what is wrong or right is born out of two mainstream sources. The first source is religious, moral, and philosophical sources. The second source comes from biological and social sciences, such as economics, which supposes that human beings, whenever they can, will always be on the lookout for what is in their best interests. According to humanists, our source of morality comes from our biological and cultural evolution. John Locke, in his work The Two Treatises holds that human nature is selfish and evil. Therefore, humans are bound to act in sinful ways. Given the above, traits such as selfishness are natural in human beings and have been prevalent for thousands of years. So, it can be presumed that these traits are still strong in us until now. Everyone is capable of being a selfish person, but not everyone is egotistic and exploitative.

Is Unconditional love even a reality?

Unconditional love is loving selflessly without any strings attached. It is the foundation of a great relationship. While human beings are naturally selfish, knowing that selfishness will always exist in our life enables us to be more gracious towards others and love them unconditionally.

○ Why are people selfish?

In the 1600s, Thomas Hobbes proposed that human beings are naturally selfish. It is human nature to put one’s needs first without having regard for the needs and feelings of others. People are selfish because they gain out of being selfish. Selfish people are self-absorbed with their own problems because they think that doing more for others can impede their growth. Thinking about others means having to share finite resources, such as time and money. So, the more you give, the less you have for yourself. So, thinking about others is costly, while thinking about yourself is beneficial.

○ Selfishness vs self-interest

am I selfish or self-interest Selfishness and self-interest might subtly appear to have the same meaning, but the truth is that they are different. A selfish person is someone who cares a lot about themselves and puts their needs first. They are always looking out for their advantage and profit without regard for other people. On the other hand, self-interest refers to someone who is self-centered and preoccupied with themselves and their affairs. Self-interest can eventually lead to selfishness, as you are likely to want to use other people as a means to get what you want. Therefore, we can say that selfishness is self-interest carried to excess. It is not in our self-interest to be a selfish person. Self-interest can be a good thing, as it keeps you grounded and gives you the foundation to be able to give more to others.

○ Am I selfish person and is it wrong?

Everything has a spectrum, so the question of whether being self serving is wrong or right might not necessarily be a black and white issue. Being self absorbed is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes being self centered is the right thing to do. A little bit of self care can be good for your well-being, as it allows you to take care of your physical and emotional needs. Not taking care of someone else’s needs allows you to prioritize your own needs. However, do not focus entirely on give, give, give, as you can end up getting overwhelmed or feeling fatigued.

How can you change? 9 major ways to leave selfishness behind

Just because you are a self centered person does not mean that you have to live that way for the rest of your life. You can learn how to be selfless and practice altruism in your life. This will require a deliberate and conscious approach to change yourself and see others as being better than yourself.

1. Accept that you are selfish

accept you are selfish Selfishness can be sneaky, as we are naturally selfish by nature and not even be aware of it. But to reject is egomania, we must first recognize it in our life and accept that we are selfish and then say ‘no’ to it. Self regard comes in many forms that is why you need to think about ways that you are self-absorbed. When asking yourself, “Am I selfish person?” it is important to realize selfish tendencies, you can then practice changing them for the better to have healthy relationships. Pay attention to what your true motive is when planning to do something. Ask yourself whether it is to gain something or to truly help someone.

2. Develop Empathy

“Whenever you feel like criticizing any one…just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Selfish people are self absorbed and do not care about other people’s feelings. They have zero thought for what other people think and feel, which can lead them to dismiss other people’s thoughts, ideas, and opinions. This can be problematic in the end. To develop empathy:

  1. Start small.
  2. Imagine yourself being in the same position that the other person is.
  3. Think about how you would feel or react if you had the same problem or you were in a similar situation that they are in.

Consciously try to cultivate compassion in your life and try to care for others just as much as you care for your own interests.

3. Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes

If you sincerely want to stop being self-absorbed, then you need to start walking in other people’s shoes and see things from their point of view. Start caring about the needs and wants of the other person. Appreciate the fact that someone deserves a quality life just like you. By walking in someone else’s shoes, you will be less judgmental and be more willing to understand other people’s experiences and thought processes. Put effort into thinking about how a person might be feeling in any given situation.

4. Release the need to be always in control

release the need to be in control The need to control your environment and the people around you all the time can come across as being selfish. Even if the need to be in control comes from a good place, it can make it hard for you to connect with others. That is why you need to start letting go of your need to micromanage and control every person, detail, and outcome before you completely damage your relationships. Always take a step back and analyze your life. Review things you can control and things you can’t control, then come up with a list of what you can honestly handle in a day. Start by gradually detaching yourself from your many obligations by delegating to others.

5. Give more than what is expected of you

Going the extra mile is a great way to practice selflessness regularly. Always be willing and ready to do what is more than expected of you. Instead of just meeting expectations, consider going far and beyond what others think is possible. Going the extra mile helps you to add value to others and your community. It’s not enough to do just enough to get by. If you have an abundance mindset, you will be willing to do what is more than expected, as you know that your supply will not run out. Someone who is doing the bare minimum is motivated by self-centeredness, plus they have a scarcity mindset.

6. Don’t go looking for approval

Someone who wants approval from others will do anything for love and acceptance. Seeking approval leaves you consumed with worry about what other people are thinking about you. Once you realize that you constantly want other people’s approval, take a step back and ask yourself why you constantly need other people’s approval. Once you are free from the need for other people’s approval, then you will be free from stress. This will allow you to make decisions based on what is right for you, you will be free to create the kind of life that you want.

7. Be aware of where you spend your time, money, and energy

be aware of where you spend your time and money Egotism is not just about behavior, but it can also be about how we manage our time, energy, and money. Being there for someone is not just about telling them nice things from time to time. It is about giving them your time, money, and physical help and creating space for them in your life. Learn how to give your time, money, and energy to someone else. Commit yourself to helping another person, while having a mind of love and not gain. Give freely and joyfully from your heart. Altruistic behaviors include donating money to worthy causes, volunteering, or helping people on a day-to-day basis.

8. Express gratitude

Practicing gratitude is one of the ways to reduce egomania. Simply listing down things that you are grateful for regularly will help to rewire your brain to feel more fulfilled, by realizing that your basic needs have been met. This reduces your level of desire, as you will spend less time focusing on things you don’t have or things you wish you had. Consequently, your mind will shift to helping others, as you will be more willing to give by realizing how abundantly you have been blessed in your life. To stop being selfish, you need to feel that you already have enough in your life and anything that comes in addition to that is a bonus.

9. Spend time doing something meaningful with your life

Do something meaningful with life Everyone in this world is in search of happiness in their lives. While there are many ways to achieve that, the one that they choose to follow depends on them. It is necessary to take care of our mental health and to protect our peace and happiness, we should take time out to do the things we like. Life is precious, don’t waste it on unimportant things. Your time is your most valuable asset. You can invest it in learning, in working or in doing things that you enjoy.

Unselfishness has to be learned

“In an individual, selfishness uglifies the soul; for the human species, selfishness is extinction.” – David Mitchell

All true religions emphasize submission to the will of God by human beings. Self-absorption is elevating your will over the will of God. A selfish person is his own god. In addition, all true religions teach that we must love God and we must love our fellow human beings. But egotism teaches us to love ourselves more and to put our needs above the needs of others. Self-regard is a survival behavior that comes in cycles and eventually builds up to patterns in our lives that greatly undermine our happiness and fulfillment. Therefore, being selfish is no way to live. We must be willing to step out of the self-centered nature that keeps us isolated from others and opportunities and form new patterns and positive habits that will help us build healthy relationships and lives. When asking yourself, “Am I selfish?” It is important to find a balance between caring for ourselves and caring for others. No matter how selfish you are, you can change. We have to learn how to be kind, considerate, empathetic, and generous. Of course, this is not something easy, and it might come more easily to some people than to other people. But we must learn to think about other people and their needs and feelings. Over time, your self-centered brain will learn that there is more to be gained by being selfless and it will eventually let go of the idea of always being number one and put itself first.


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